Tuesday, September 7, 2010

First Day at Work

So the first day went pretty well.  I awoke at 5 am, pumped, heard my boy around 5:45 so I was able to sneak in a nursing before I had to get ready.  Jumped in the shower, heard Little Man again at 6:15 but decided that I needed to concentrate on getting what I needed to get done so poor hubby had to get up.  Finished everything I needed to get done and left the house at 7:10.  Discovered that the new bus schedule is going to force me to leave at 7 am to make the "20 minute trip" and arrive by 7:45.  Oh well I guess there goes the hair straightening.
I was welcomed back by my colleagues and former students throughout the day.  I was able to get two pumping sessions in during my prep periods, I skipped the pump session for my lunch because I was starving and I had some computer work to do.  I was also able to thankfully squeeze another session in before I had to run to practice after school.  I discussed work my office mates the possibility of me using our office to pump instead of going to the nurse's supply closet because I needed/wanted to multi-task.  It was agreed, so I'll be covering the windows to the office door so I can sit at a computer.  Bonus is I get service in our office which, I did not in the closet because of lack of windows.
So how did I feel about this?  I'm not going to lie it is a huge adjustment.  I really wish I could have stayed home with him forever.  I missed him every second of the day.  I texted hubby as often as possible to check on Little Man and then poor hubby texted me to get reassurances that he was okay at daycare.  When I picked him up from daycare he wasn't immediately hungry so I had to wait for relief.
The first nursing session home was just that relief.  I couldn't settle down to enjoy it the way I would normally because even though I pumped I felt like I was busting at the seams.  Plus I was still starving myself.  It wasn't until our third nursing session, our bedtime session, that I was able to enjoy the moment.  I felt so much more present  similar to how I felt when I first met him in the hospital when I couldn't take my eyes off him.  I soaked in every movement, smell, sound and feeling that he made during this session.  It was so relaxed that if I could have stayed in the rocker all night I would have.  But the time came that he indicated he was finished and wanted to go in his crib and I had to leave.
I came here to put into words the gift that was that nursing session after my first 11 hours away from my son, but as I look back it just pales in comparison.  It was times like that I wish I had a night vision lens on my iphone so I could record that and watch it while pumping in the sterile, brightly lit, lonely closet I pump in.

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