Today was the first day of preseason for my team so I needed to go in for 3 hours of try-outs. I scheduled my time slot to match up with the time that I would have to leave for work when we return so I could use these two weeks as practice to get my routine in order. I made it out of the house today but I wouldn't say anything was routine or in order either.
Yesterday I realized that my procrastination had left me in a bind because my plans to have help yesterday fell through so I was with Little Man on my own. No real time for pumping. When my husband did get home my emotions just boiled over. I was ANGRY. Not at my husband but because I was having to return to work. I can't really decide what it is though, real anger or just plan old fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of leaving my boy, fear I'll be unable to handle my workload, being a mom and my pumping schedule? So what did I do? Got more angry.
I yelled at my mom, threw the phone across the room, yelled at Ollie for playing with my pump tubes, filled out because my pug Dory stole the connection adaptor to my hands free straps. Angry because when I try out my new pump there is no suction because I don't know how to use it and had only skimmed the directions. Upset because another feeding came around before I had a chance to pump so I had to stop again. Finally fixed that pump and was only able to get 3oz which is less then I get normally with my old, beat up pump. Finished that and set to complete bedtime on my own because it was the fantasy football draft, ugh!
I get the bath ready, undress my son and discover awful diaper rash which I am under the impression is from bananas because he pooped way more then usual yesterday and the only thing we different was have bananas. Draft ends just in time for diapering and putting on PJs so hubby helps and then I get all settled for our nursing before bed. We nurse and I have to put him down drowsy because he has two teeth and the pedi reminded me that I need to be wiping his teeth off with a washcloth or gauze before bed so he doesn't get cavities. Oh he is so unhappy because I put him down he cries out, finds his fingers, settles down and here comes Mama with the washcloth to remove his fingers and rub his poor little teeth. He finally settles and I am so overwhelmed by how I am feeling about pumping, leaving, working and having to change how I put him to sleep that now I need to go lay in bed before I have a meltdown.
But I cannot sleep through the night because I have now told my hubby he isn't to touch my meager supply of 6 frozen bags downstairs so I need to pump at 3am. I wake, meet hubby in the hallway on his way to bed and ask him ever so nicely to spend 15 minutes with me while I pump. He does and poor guy falls asleep on the couch. So I finish and usher him and myself off to bed with at least one 6oz bottle prepared for tomorrow for that last session and the 3 oz from before waiting just in case.
6am rolls around and I roll out of bed after 3 rounds of the snooze button. I shower, dress, and pump 8oz this time so one more bottle and 2oz left over that can be combined in an emergency with the first 3 oz. Off I go at 7am without seeing my boy because amazingly he isn't awake.
Oh well maybe tomorrow will be more organized and easier. Here's hoping.